Fancy “Meat”ing You Here Again (I’m Back)

I’m sorry I’ve been away.  It’s been an interesting time in my life, to say the least.  About a year ago, I was happily existing as a vegetarian.  Well, a friend of mine literally forced me to take a bite of a pork chop, and it was so unflappingly delicious that I went on a freaking meat-eating binge.  One thing lead to another, and I started chomping down raw beef.  After my third episode of E. Coli, I decided enough was enough, but I just couldn’t quit on my own.  So of course I ended up in Paraguay, where the world’s foremost clinic for those with raw meat addictions exists.  It’s called, “The Meat Packer’s Last Stop.”  I spent four months in hardcore meditation, inpatient therapy, and all out torture to overcome my addiction.  It’s not easy, and I still need to attend two M.E.A. “Meatings” per week (Meat-Eaters Anonymous), but you’ll be happy to know I’ve been raw meat free for over 200 days now.  I’m wearing my smiling moo-cow badge right now to prove it.

Above is the pic I took of my last meal before entering the clinic.  I literally ate both pieces in just under one minute.

So, unfortunately, my music had to take a back burner for the time being.  I’m feeling rejuvenated and ready to face my dozens of fans again.  I had one song, “Deciduous Girl” almost complete just before my total break down.  I will get back to it, but I’m having trouble with the female talent on the song (it’s a duet).  Her name is Tree-hanna, and apparently she’s suffering some sort of self-esteem crisis and doesn’t want to finish the recording (you know how chicks can be).  I’ll work my magic on her, and we’ll get it done soon.

So check back, because I’m back, so don’t turn your back, or else you are back-asswards, and I’ll turn my back on you…plus my back itches.  It’s good to be home.  I was sick of Paraguay.  I don’t know how many of you have been there, but it’s got to be the biggest, smelliest hellhole ever.  I think God was joking around when he made it.  Talk to you soon.

Harfax

Video Premiere: Up Yours

This is my parody of Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours.”
If you don’t like it, then up yours.

“Up Yours”

Halloween Poll – Vote or DIE

I just posted my TWO brand new music videos, created in honor of Halloween, directly below this post.  Consider it my gift to you all.

You’re welcome, freaks.

In return, all I ask is that you watch them and then answer the following question.  Or die.

Is that too much to ask?  Oops… wait, that’s not the question.

Video Premiere: Dead, Not Alive (Ode to Michael Myers)

This is my parody of Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive.”
It’s a real scream.

“Dead, Not Alive:  Ode to Michael Myers”

Video Premiere: Boy In The Water (Ode to Jason Voorhees)

This is my parody of Deep Purple’s song “Smoke on the Water.”
You’ll laugh yourself to death.

“Boy In The Water:  Ode to Jason Voorhees”

Video Premiere: Choke Cubs Choke

This is my parody of Steve Goodman’s song “Go Cubs Go.”
You’ll laugh so hard that you’ll choke.

“Choke Cubs Choke”

October Exists, So Let’s Make the Most of It

It’s October.

I’m happy for several reasons.  One, Halloween is like the best day ever.  Guys dress up as homicidal maniacs, and chicks dress up as really hot tramps.   Two, some restraining orders involving me, Sheena Easton and countless others inch closer to their expirations.  Three, I’ve got some new songs coming out soon, and one or two just might have a Halloween theme to them.

Stick around.  This month should be disastrous interesting.

Video Premiere: Monopolize

This is my parody of Timbaland’s “Apologize,” featuring OneRepublic.  I’m sorry if you don’t like it.

Also, the answers to the name quiz are now at the bottom of that post.

“Monopolize”

Video Premiere: Herpes #1

This is my parody of REO Speedwagon’s “Take It On The Run.”  Better “catch” it while you can.

“Herpes #1”

Music Biz Star Or Adult Entertainment Star??? You Make the Call

What’s in a name?  My name is a bit unusual awful, and I’m often asked about it.  (I don’t usually answer, but I am asked.  If you feel a need to discover its origin, it’s in my bio.)  If you know anything about the entertainment world, then you are aware that the music biz and the adult film biz have intersected a time or two (certain rock stars, for example, have been known to kanoodle with adult stars).  With that in mind, it’s time for a name quiz.

Read each name and decide if that person is A) A musical performer or B) An adult entertainment performer.

The answers will be posted in a couple of days.  Good luck.  I guess you can be a complete tool if you want and just look them all up on the internet, but since there is absolutely jack squat for a prize, where’s the need or the fun in doing that?  Post your guesses, if you are brave enough.

We’ll start off easy…

1.  Britney Spears

2.  Randy Spears

3.  Natalia Wood

4.  Ron Wood

5.  Nikki Sixx

6.  Sikki Nixx

7.  Pink

8.  Jani Lane

9.  Chasey Lain

10. Joey Ramone

11. Dale DaBone

12. Nacho Vidal

13. Nikki Nova

14. Heather Nova

15. Joan Jett

16. Veronica Jett

17. Shy Love

18. Courtney Love

19. Donna Summer

20. Kristal Summers

21. Shirley Manson

22. Brad Paisley

23. Paisley Hunter

24. Lacey Duvalle

25. Lacey Mosley

26. Janet Jackson

27. Janet Jacme

28. Billie Jo Armstrong

29. Brad Armstrong

30. Hayley Lynn

31. Hayley Williams

32. Jasmine St. Claire

33. David St. Hubbins

Answers:

1. A

2. B

3. B

4. A (ROLLING STONES)

5. A (MOTLEY CRUE

6. B

7. A

8. A

9. B

10. A (THE RAMONES)

11. B

12. B

13. B

14. A

15. A

16. B

17. B

18. A

19. A

20. B

21. A (GARBAGE)

22. A

23. B

24. B

25. A (FLYLEAF)

26. A

27. B

28. A (GREEN DAY)

29. B

30. B

31. A (PARAMORE)

32. B

33. A (SPINAL TAP)