Archive for the life Category

Fancy “Meat”ing You Here Again (I’m Back)

Posted in humor, life, music, Uncategorized with tags , , on February 6, 2010 by Harfax Johnson

I’m sorry I’ve been away.  It’s been an interesting time in my life, to say the least.  About a year ago, I was happily existing as a vegetarian.  Well, a friend of mine literally forced me to take a bite of a pork chop, and it was so unflappingly delicious that I went on a freaking meat-eating binge.  One thing lead to another, and I started chomping down raw beef.  After my third episode of E. Coli, I decided enough was enough, but I just couldn’t quit on my own.  So of course I ended up in Paraguay, where the world’s foremost clinic for those with raw meat addictions exists.  It’s called, “The Meat Packer’s Last Stop.”  I spent four months in hardcore meditation, inpatient therapy, and all out torture to overcome my addiction.  It’s not easy, and I still need to attend two M.E.A. “Meatings” per week (Meat-Eaters Anonymous), but you’ll be happy to know I’ve been raw meat free for over 200 days now.  I’m wearing my smiling moo-cow badge right now to prove it.

Above is the pic I took of my last meal before entering the clinic.  I literally ate both pieces in just under one minute.

So, unfortunately, my music had to take a back burner for the time being.  I’m feeling rejuvenated and ready to face my dozens of fans again.  I had one song, “Deciduous Girl” almost complete just before my total break down.  I will get back to it, but I’m having trouble with the female talent on the song (it’s a duet).  Her name is Tree-hanna, and apparently she’s suffering some sort of self-esteem crisis and doesn’t want to finish the recording (you know how chicks can be).  I’ll work my magic on her, and we’ll get it done soon.

So check back, because I’m back, so don’t turn your back, or else you are back-asswards, and I’ll turn my back on you…plus my back itches.  It’s good to be home.  I was sick of Paraguay.  I don’t know how many of you have been there, but it’s got to be the biggest, smelliest hellhole ever.  I think God was joking around when he made it.  Talk to you soon.



October Exists, So Let’s Make the Most of It

Posted in entertainment, life, music with tags , , , , , on October 1, 2008 by Harfax Johnson

It’s October.

I’m happy for several reasons.  One, Halloween is like the best day ever.  Guys dress up as homicidal maniacs, and chicks dress up as really hot tramps.   Two, some restraining orders involving me, Sheena Easton and countless others inch closer to their expirations.  Three, I’ve got some new songs coming out soon, and one or two just might have a Halloween theme to them.

Stick around.  This month should be disastrous interesting.

Would You Record Music in a Haunted House??? (I Would, You Pansy)

Posted in entertainment, humor, life, music, photos, travel with tags , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2008 by Harfax Johnson

I’m weird, and I love to record music.  This combination has me in the mood to record in some unconventional places.  Below are the next five I want to try.  I think the sound could be interesting and ass-kicking.

1.  Inside one of those gargantuan water towers.  It’s imperative that it be exactly 1/3 full of water (or preferably cherry Kool-Aid).  This would be the first time in my life that I would record while wearing a life-jacket (though I did nearly drown while recording a song once…that story is for another time).

Looks like a freaking blast

Looks like a freaking blast

2.  Inside an elephant’s stomach.  Don’t worry, I’m an animal lover.  However, I’d love to find the right opportunity to record a quick song some time when a pachyderm is scheduled for stomach surgery.  I’d pop my head and a minimal amount of sterile recording equipment in and just let it rip.  I dream of the sound that would produce.

3.  In an island cave. My intense fear of bats (one actually flew into me one time, leaving me with a nose bleed) is the major hindrance here.  I’m currently in psychotherapy to overcome it just so I can record a song in a location not unlike the one below.  (We’re not getting very far, though, as my therapist seems obsessed with my sex dreams.)

Yuck, imagine the bat dung

Yuck, imagine the bat dung

4.  From inside a UFO.  I don’t care if it’s from space or a secret government aircraft or a weather balloon.  I just want to sing inside something that is freaking someone out on the ground.

5.  From inside a haunted house (like the one below in the Smoky Mountains, courtesy of this site). I want to be the first to have ghostly backing vocals in my music, ala EVPs.  That would be sweeter than I could ever put into words.

I just peed my pants

I just peed my pants

I’m always interested in strange places to record.  Leave your ideas here.  Peace.  (Coming soon:  My next music video called Herpes # 1.)