10 Random Har-facts

1.  I almost gave up on my music career while living in Africa.  I figured I just couldn’t cut it.  Then, something magical happened in 1992.  Right Said Fred had a major hit with, I’m Too Sexy for My Shirt. That was when it hit me:  If they could do it, I could.  My faith in a musician’s ability to swindle people out of their money with ridiculous tunes was restored.

2.  I miss my mommy.  No one knows where she is.

3.  I once had a gig at a bar called “The Flim Flam Fun Hut” in which I was paid in doughnuts, rather than cash.  It was supposed to be two dozen cream-filled long johns, but when I got out to my car, I realized they were not cream filled.  I, of course, got out of my car to go back inside to retrieve some cream, but they had locked the place up already. I never sang there again.

4.  I have a phobia of alliteration.  (I call it phooey-phobia.) This probably stems from the abuse I took from my father, who had the initials J.J.J.  Whenever he was angry, he would say, “Boy, don’t make me pull a triple J on your ass.”

5.  I was born during severe thunderstorms, and I believe it helped shape my personality.  It was for this reason that my first tour in Africa was called, “A Severe Harfax Warning.”  I did covers of REO Speedwagon’s Ridin’ the Storm Out and Garth Brooks’ The Thunder Rolls.  Those songs killed in Cameroon.

6.  I’ve recently been touted by many major record labels as “the next big thing” (if by “big” you mean “rip-off,” and by “thing” you mean “artist.”)

7.  In spite of my tough childhood, I did learn one very important life lesson from my father that I still carry with me, to this day:  “Don’t scream, because I’ll only hit you harder.”

8.  I still hope to meet Sheena Easton one day and get her to autograph my Okinawan import single of “U Got The Look” – that would most definitely up its value.  Incidentally, if you have an address for her, please pass it along.  I’m not allowed within 500 feet of her until after 2010, so I may try mailing it to her with a letter of apology.

9.  Weird Al is such a wannabe.  I wanna be like Weird Al.

10.  This one’s a secret – no way I can post it here.