Some of you may remember hearing about two NFL Carolina Panther cheerleaders who caused a scandal several years ago by getting frisky with each other in a restroom. The cheerleaders were removed from the squad and faced intense media scrutiny for a few days, despite the fact many players who are criminals remain on NFL teams.
Personally, I am still upset about this situation. What kind of a country do we live in that this sort of behavior is PUNISHED?!
Cheerleaders doing their part to improve morale
Here we sit feeling a sense of financial gloom and depression as the politicians from both parties squabble and flounder, searching for ways to revive the nation. What could elevate the psyche of Wall Street, and of Americans in general more than two hot cheerleaders getting it on? The majority of men, and I dare say even a decent percentage of women, could not possibly remain despondent while watching two women dressed in cheerleader garb make out. (They very well may not have been in their Carolina Panther outfits when they were busted, but that’s how I choose to remember it.)
Yet, they were reprimanded when they should have been encouraged. If I were president, I would immediately call for huge tax breaks for any hot cheerleaders who could provide video proof they had made out in public. I believe Bill Clinton would be with me on this one.
For example, both cheerleaders would be given $200 tax incentives for holding hands, $500 for any tongue kissing and so on. This is an “issue” that surely would be accepted in a bi-partisan manner, with the “bi” being especially fitting. I’m talking about ways to unite this country again, people.
Instead, the Panthers told the cheerleaders, “You’re fired” while the media said, “Shame on you.” I say to the cheerleaders, “You are great Americans” and wish that I could thank you each individually (or possibly even to both of you at the same time).
That would stimulate my package.
I’m happy for several reasons. One, Halloween is like the best day ever. Guys dress up as homicidal maniacs, and chicks dress up as really hot tramps. Two, some restraining orders involving me, Sheena Easton and countless others inch closer to their expirations. Three, I’ve got some new songs coming out soon, and one or two just might have a Halloween theme to them.